These Protein Bars Ruined My Life

I’ve written many a love letters to Erewhon (exhibit A), but to write to these protein bars mandates a trilogy. A series longer than Lord of the Rings. With a pending conclusion.

I can’t do this anymore.

Think of any relationship where the two partners just can’t get their hands off of each other, and it repulses you and disgusts you in every capacity. That’s me and these protein bars. See a woman in athleisure or work clothing with a giant hat on leaving Erewhon with a small bag of protein bars and occasionally a Zevia and a dark chocolate square. I’m her.

I blame it all on you, Giselle!

In all seriousness, I’ve been able to forego these two bars at max two weeks. Sad. Sure, people have spent more on coffee every week, but still, consuming oats, peanut butter, chia, hemp, flax, and pea protein for lunch is…interesting, to say the least. Top it off with raspberry jam and freeze-dried strawberries and you have golden and chocolate crack ready to go! Basically, I leave with one vegan peanut butter and jelly bar and one vegan protein bar for one meal. Additionally, I have to cap them both off with an orange or lemon lime Zevia and a small piece of Raaka’s pink salt dark chocolate.

My favorites between the duo shift based on the occasion. The peanut butter and jelly bar tends to be the bigger hit amongst my peers because the texture is a lot smoother and homogeneous. There’s a lightly crumbly crust of oats and pea protein with a rich, creamy, peanut butter layer topped with gooey and tangy fruit jelly on top with some crushed freeze-dried strawberries. My sister asks for it every time I visit Erewhon! As for the protein bar, it couldn’t be more different. It is stiff, chunky, decadent, and packed with sweetness and various textures from the oats, seeds, and chocolate coating around the jam-packed oats and Omega-3 powerhouse seeds. You may feel like you’re training your arms and jaw while taking your bites. All the more rewards, eh?

Is this the worst vice to enjoy? No, but I think of it as a means of…can you do better, though? Perhaps it’d be ideal to swap for a variety of nutrients and ingredients, such as actual fruits and vegetables. Not a salad? A wrap? Sushi roll? A smoothie or a latte? Something else? Anything else? No?

If my platform is defined by Instagram stories of Giselle’s Vegan Kitchen bars every two weeks (or maybe every week), I may have a problem.

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