Real Talk: the Struggles of Job Hunting, Self-Loathing, and Pre-Quarter Life Crisis Woes

Happy weekend and ALMOST THE END OF THE YEAR!!!! Wow, time has flown by and for GOOD reason–I mean, our lifestyles have changed in such a way where all the minutes and the days simply pass by without solid notice! But hey, 2021 is almost here, there is hope, and there is potential.

With that being said, there’s a colossal amount of thoughts that have been crowding my mind, henceforth the blog hiatus. My birthday is in less than a week (23 years-old, specifically) and I have NOT been celebrating as extravagantly as I did when I was 21. Life has become this tug-of-war between working like an entrepreneurial superstar and having fun as someone wild and free. I’ll wake up feeling 70 years-old but end the night feeling like I am 11. OH BOY.

Moreover, I’ve been preparing non-stop in the application process for various food science occupations and have been actively networking, participating in interviews, and deeply honing in on what I desire in a position. However, there is one MAJOR attribute about myself that can easily limit my scope of options quite significantly: veganism. Fortunately, I have found many companies and positions that wouldn’t interfere with this lifestyle so much OR it would actually accommodate my veganism quite well! I simply try to avoid meat or animal product-heavy companies on a general spectrum, but not all of the ones I applied to are entirely vegan or plant-based. Again, it’s a difficult universe to navigate, although the bright side encompasses possibly encouraging a non-vegan brand and its workers to make more vegan-friendly decisions! I’ve found that the rush to find a new job isn’t as soon as I originally believed. With time, this reality is more acceptable. There are plenty of options I can look forward to in this near future and the later future. Not only this, I plan on expanding my skillset greatly during the gap I have between my end of the internship and the beginning of my new position. Lastly, I am more than grateful to maintain a roof over my head while I continue seeking. I won’t have rent, debt, or loans to pay off–still, a position sooner than later would be fantastic!

Secondly, my mind has not been seating in the best place. With the current stress and some past others that have risen, much of my mental state finds security in thinking pessimistically about, well, everything. Life stinks and so do I. Again, trying to work on accepting my fate right now and have been even more active in switching up my routine since nothing seems to be working anymore–perhaps to stimulate my life in a new way. It’s been working quite nicely, actually! I feel a lot more energized and diligent in doing the best I possibly can. Less multitasking, more focus and time-blocking. Less shame, more action and growth. Less attachment, more presence and curiosity.

But yes, I did have a terrific Thanksgiving with my family! I personally don’t resonate with the origins of the holiday, though enjoying a tasty feast and some seasonal delicacies like pumpkin pie and sweet potato mash never disappoints!

As mentioned above, turning 23 is only a few days away. But alas, there are downsides. Obviously, I am much closer to being elderly than I am a child (with efforts in looking like I’m still in high school), so I expect to overcome and/or accept some physiological changes that I may or may not adore so much. There were days I felt like the blob monster from DreamWorks and the overweight Puss in Boots due to quarantine overtaking me and some repetitive habits that made me plateau. All I have to say is: “Why didn’t I try this sooner?!” It truly sucks that I’m very much into building habits, which makes it incredibly arduous to re-program myself in spite of the fact that I love trying new activities, foods, watching new movies and shows, and much more. The least I can do is thank everyone and everything for what I can control right now! Additionally, the entire transition from student to graduate, intern to full-time employee, is almost all too daunting! Weights upon weights upon weights on my shoulders…can’t say I look forward to all of them.

Still, I wouldn’t want to return to university anytime soon. There is potential to obtain a Master’s or MBA, but not right now. There are plenty of employment options to explore at the moment, so I’m personally sticking with this route instead of going back to school. Having said that, my university experience was more than satisfying and I will miss it dearly. My friends have been so key to my life and maintain a special, locked-and-sealed place in my heart and memories I wouldn’t trade for anything else. I have grown up quite significantly since becoming 18 years-old–even though I still have a plethora of goals to accomplish amidst my pre-quarter life crisis:

  • Find a science-based full-time position by early 2021, ideally in California
  • Learn how to use new design apps
  • Re-program my thinking on the aging process
  • Improve my form on exercising, especially in upper-body training
  • Create a suitable and practicable sleep schedule that doesn’t involve going to bed before 10 P.M. and waking up later than 7 A.M.
  • Discover more Asian fitness and health influencers online
  • Evaluate what exactly I desire in my long-term career goals

That’s my life update for now! Hectic in my physical realm and mental realm at the same time. Perhaps that’s just living in my twenties? I can only wonder how everything will feel if I end up settling down with a job for now and whatnot, but the best option as of late is to have fun in seeking new work endeavors and growing from all of this too.

Happy December! Now I’m going to enjoy my birthday month!


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