My original plan for this week was to publish my entire compilation of pictures and micro-documentations of the vendors at the Winter Fancy Food Show this year. However, today was just a very interesting day (in the best way possible) and an occurrence prompted me to think quite a bit about a subject and/or experience we can relate to. This post is super casual–no intentional morals and what not.
Has there ever been anything on your mind that pressed you so deeply that you started seeing it all around you in plain sight? Thinking about this dictates the rest of your day, even week, month, year, so forth? For some reason, I experienced it today and had to make a–what I would consider–mundane decision that seemed entirely mighty. Well, you want to know what completely got me on this loop? Donuts.
That’s right. Three beautiful rings of fried dough that are glazed with sugar.
Fruity Pebbles, Apple Fritter, and Cookie Butter were the absolute best. They were all colorful, fluffy, vibrant, flavorful, exciting, and far too fun. I got these three donuts to celebrate such a crazy month of hard work and to also try out a new shop I’ve been meaning to visit for FOREVER. Seriously. I waited at least two years. Anyhow, I couldn’t decide which donut I wanted, hence I just ended up taking home all three. After working out, I could not WAIT to try them all! I cut each donut into quarters and ended up eating half of each donut for dessert after lunch. Okay, not too bad, I thought. Good practice of moderation.
For some reason, right after dinner, I started thinking about the donuts again. They just sat in their box, lying in my pantry, completely outside of my view when I watched “Forensic Files” with my roommate. Instead of immersing myself in the stories of crime, I thought about the donuts. Why do they sound so delicious right now? Haven’t I had enough already? I figured that if I waited at least an hour or so, the urges would disappear. Boy, was I wrong. By 9:20 P.M. I already opened the box and nibbled at scraps, which then evolved into consuming the rest of the donuts. I don’t want to save anything else–I genuinely like these a lot. Ironically, all I did was stretch in my chair, fully pleased with myself. No shame, no guilt, just joy. There’s a sense of liberation when you don’t box any form of “correct” quantity of food and can just enjoy what you’ve treated yourself with. I genuinely thought that the donuts would last longer–maybe it’s because they were too delicious to resist or my self-control is limited. However, I set an intention for each donut: the Fruity Pebbles to liven up my spirit, the Cookie Butter for decadence and richness, and the Apple Fritter for warmth and comfort.
Having said that, I absolutely believe this is not and should not be a normal situation for me. There are serious health detriments to overeating heavily refined and isolated sugars, saturated fat, and trans fat. The donuts won’t give me thighs of steel or washboard abs, but the mental intentions allowed me to make peace with them. Sure, it would have been more logical and reasonable to purchase just one donut, but who wants an emptiness where you can’t help but wonder what something would be like? It can take me up to months to try something new, even if it’s as minor as listening to a new album. This was just an experience I needed to revel in to its full entirety, not in blocks.
Will I look back on this and believe I screwed up? Maybe. For now, I’m too exhausted to beat myself up and know that by the time I can, I’ll be busy thinking about something else. Food doesn’t need to be an emotional issue. You can easily just want to eat more of something because it tastes yummy–this was exactly the case for me. I wouldn’t have been able to eat three more full-sized donuts after this, but I’m glad I gave myself the freedom to choose without beating myself up either way.
I encourage you all to create more space in your decision making. It doesn’t have to be a lose-lose situation. Intuitively, this was what I needed. From a logical standpoint, probably not necessary but also not entirely harmful. I hardly eat donuts nowadays. Reality kicks in when change occurs. In this case, I can’t spend the rest of my life eating kamut puffs and protein bars for dessert.
Look at those donuts though. Can you really blame me?