The Most Lost I’ve Ever Been.

It’s almost the end of summer and I have practically broken my promise in contributing more time, love, and care into my blog. There are hardly any new posts from these past three months. I can make excuse after excuse with my online classes, shadowing, work, and spending time with my loved ones, but really, it’s devastating to see one of my favorite platforms just waste away without any content.

Truth is, behind the smiles I showcase on my Instagram posts, there is much more complication in the story. I had felt and still feel more lost and confused than I have in a very long time, if not the most puzzled and distressed out of my whole existence. Senior year is approaching very soon for me and it’s time to search for jobs and internships! You’d think I’d have my whole life plan sorted out together and ready to rumble, right? I thought so too. But I had to swallow a dry, sour truth, one that sticks to my throat and is painful to ingest. It seems that the reality for me is either working a job I adore but not make my desired salary or work a job I resent but make more than enough money for my personal preferences. It hurts…and it hurts horribly every single day and hour of the present.

It’s a whirlwind–I look at every single field of interest and I feel like I can do something else. I can become an optometrist while working in skincare and interacting with those who work in the food industry and helping them out too. Obviously I’d also still be using social media and endorse other brands on the side, maybe write an e-book and create some kind of business where I can do absolutely everything and anything to nourish my happiness. Not to mention, I’d adopt a dog and be able to spend time with my friends and family. It sounds like the perfect life and I know I can create what’s considered my perfect life, just not how I envision it. In all honesty, the more I learn about optometry, the more weary I become of it. Is it worth having to complete two extra quarters worth of undergrad school just to qualify for an application, let alone enrollment in an optometry program? Becoming an esthetician requires a license of one year of school or more, which is fine with me, but how even is their average salary? I love skincare and all, but will it provide enough for what I personally want? Same goes with Food Science. I know that my heart lies in the food industry, but is the median salary really a quantity I’d feel satisfied with? I simply do not know. And that’s scary.

3 thoughts on “The Most Lost I’ve Ever Been.

  1. I have felt incredibly lost to and blogged about it make sure what you do everyday energizes you and lights you up. It sounds like school is not that thing right now, but interacting with people in the health field does! And I’m here to tell you that you don’t need a degree to help somebody or have those conversations with somebody. I think some Hands-On learning and shadowing through internships with professionals may just be the break you need. Do what you feel is best, these are just suggestions and you are wiser about your life than I am. Much love!.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to share your thoughts my love ❤ it's just one of those situations that is not always easy and the lows are REAL low but the highs are REAL high, if you ask me. It's ultimately the pressure and stress I impose on myself that is my worst enemy–I still love my friends and my classes to the moon and back. Not sure if this means changing my environment or if I need to work on myself more internally (though I genuinely believe it is the latter). I have been looking into internships as well, so hopefully I find one for the summer! Love you babe and best of luck in your endeavors–life isn't easy but it is always teaching you something ❤


      1. It seems like you’re super happy with your current group of friends–laughing, spending time exploring and cooking together! Acknowledge how much you’ve upleveled in the past year and a half, Cassie!


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