Single’s Awareness *cough* uh I mean Valentine’s Day… *raises brows* …is just less than four days away. It’s absolutely insane how January has flown by! I will say that I have been insanely busy that month, which you can probably infer due to my lack of posting. Massive apologies! Anyhow, I manifested the most amazing job at this chocolate shop near my school (how suitable for this time of the year, huh?) and have been lavishing myself with socializing with friends but also seriously grinding with studying, AKA the not-so-glamorous part of my life.
I’ll be sure to make a separate post about it because there’s a LOT I can talk about with my new job…
However, I did want to take some time to articulate some true honesty. It does correlate with love, having a Valentine–mainly self-love and being your own Valentine. Here’s the story: a month ago, I posted a picture of myself on my Instagram stories about how I always attend Krav Maga looking like a naked mole rat with a messy braid holding my hair back while I workout. Seriously, that is how I feel about myself. The next day, I received an Instagram direct message from a girl that read these words–at least in summary:
Hey, I don’t know if you’re joking but I notice that you put yourself down a lot. I just want to say that I think you’re really pretty and I hope you can see that one day too!
You put yourself down a lot. That killed me.
I kid you not when I say that I nearly cried because I know that this is the truth. Of course we all have our insecurities, but I have always been the type of person to place more emphasis on them than the average person. Most of the time, I always question what I’ve done wrong one day. To be fair, everyone should strive for improvement, address what needs work, and pat themselves on the back for what they’ve accomplished. I simply forget the latter step quite often.
Thus, here is my message to all of you who are struggling to love yourself this time around. How easy is it for you to contribute love to someone else, a group, a song, a passion, a cause, or even a memory? You’d work until the very end to make sure the other party is happy and well-nourished, right? Why is it ultimately so difficult for us to do the same? It’s because we genuinely believe we don’t deserve any of that. We don’t deserve anything rewarding until we achieve or become something else. This is one of many main hindrances of why so many people cannot love themselves to their full potential.
What you and I have to recall is this: if you are currently pursuing something larger than yourself, you are already doing something right. You have the understanding and the drive to push towards greatness because you already believe you’ll be able to accomplish that one day. This in and of itself is a form of self-love that is masked as self-deprecation. Having said that, not all goals are ideal (especially those that seem to be larger than yourself, but ultimately degrade down to harming yourself in the process or at the end), but you do have the mental capacity to chase a pursuit. It’s all about coming to the realization that you are deserving of feeling content and healthy in your own skin.
So for this plan* on Valentine’s Day, you can purchase a box of chocolates and a bundle of flowers for yourself just as you would for a friend. You also don’t have to–some people just need a love letter and a night to binge-watch a television series, which you can easily grant for yourself (but seriously, can the next season of “How To Get Away With Murder” come around on Netflix already?). Stay in bed all day and online shop, drink your favorite coffee, and cuddle with your loved ones (including pets)…or you can go out, work hard, and get sh*t done.
*Personally, I plan on indulging in vegan cookies that I’ll decorate myself, express to my friends how much I adore them, complete a midterm, take a long walk as I love to do, and kill it at Krav Maga. Perfect, right?
But whatever it is that you do, you have to ensure that these acts are all forms of self-love and in the absence of talking negatively about yourself when it isn’t necessary. If you’re talking sh*t about yourself because your hair doesn’t look right, you’re eating a bar of chocolate instead of a salad, you’re procrastinating on work (or maybe you work too hard), or even if you said something that you didn’t mean to iterate, then really analyze the situation in-depth. Are these current actions helping you in the long-run do you can achieve longevity in the future and somewhat in the present moment? Because seven years from now, no one will give a rat’s ass about what your hair looked like on Saturday evening. That one bar of chocolate is not going to even hang on your ass seven years from now, not even seven months, seven weeks, probably not seven days. But in all honesty, you probably shouldn’t be procrastinating too often on work. Putting off anything important should, as an exception, be modified. And unless if you told someone to die or if you truly broke their heart, then you can forgive yourself. We’re human, after all.
At the end of the day, I think that Instagram DM was one of the best wake-up calls and Valentine’s Day (sort of) messages that I received in a long time. It was painfully true but also uplifting at the same time. I am devastated that I currently don’t have her username on hand, but to this lovely woman who sent me this DM, I thank you. You are beautiful and deserving of everything and I hope you see that too.
Happy Valentine’s Day!