Do you remember the time I posted on Instagram with joyous news regarding how I got my period back? If not, you can read everything about it below.
Nothing could express how overjoyed I felt over this miracle. However, it goes to show that if something seems too good to be true, then there’s a catch. I truly didn’t realize what there was to come in the mean time.
If you don’t know my experience regarding my irregular menstrual cycle, I’ll summarize it in a few words: I lost around twenty pounds in six months. Still menstruated. Lost another ten plus pounds in about four months. Stopped menstruating. My menstrual cycle didn’t come back for three years until last September when I took a derivative of birth control for ten days. It didn’t come in October. Barely arrived in November. It’s December now, my due date (not for a baby, obviously) is in two weeks, and I don’t know what is going on or what to do.
This may possibly be due to my menstrual cycle re-regulating itself and getting used to working properly after three years of absence. Periods just don’t come back like a light-switch, almost as nothing else in the physiological spectrum does. Weight, body hair, tooth decay, rashes, bruises, and wrinkles don’t arrive overnight. Anyhow, I’m just so confused about what to expect that I might have to accept that my last post in September was merely a call for a false alarm.
Weight-wise, I am ten pounds heavier than my lowest weight (an average I maintained regularly a few years ago). Sometimes, it’s tempting to want to go back to my old body, but I always remember how challenging it was to stick to stuck a rigid routine. Never will I ever go back. It’s not worth it. I may not look too different, except if I wear a bikini, which is probably the part I feel the most self-conscious about.
Just at the beginning of this month, I have included high-intensity exercise back into my routine, but have drastically cut back the time I spend working out. Instead of an hour of HIIT or so, I only do half an hour to forty-five minutes. Instead of half an hour to an hour or so of lifting, I only complete half of either one of those times per session. It’s amazing how much time I save! This routine has been working incredibly well for me, and I love it. Outside of the gym, I try to walk as much as I can, but I don’t over-kill myself if I can’t or don’t really want to. Incorporating exercise back into my routine might seem counterproductive, but I haven’t experienced very good results without it either. So, maybe it’s not the exercise that’s ruining my cycle? Hmm, we’ll see.
So, where do I go now? Well, my mother and I have already arranged an appointment with my gynecologist in late December or early January, where we will discuss the plans moving forward. It is almost guaranteed that birth control will be part of the picture. To be honest, I hold a relatively grim image of birth control, but not as exaggerated as the pill from hell. Many girls do experience emotional distress, acne, weight gain, weight loss, higher levels of sugar and fat in the blood, depression, nausea, lower levels of libido, and many more. But what I don’t like about birth control is that it is seen as a source of ultimate dependence. I want to believe that there is another way to treat my hormonal balance and menstrual cycle more naturally than a medical prescription. I already take daily medicine for my epilepsy, which sucks already, but there’s not a lot of other options for me aside from ketosis (yeah, I tried that. Didn’t go to well).
As of now, I will push myself to be more open and accepting of birth control. I know plenty of people who haven’t had a lot of issues with it, but in the mean time, I will figure out other ways to make sure I maintain as healthy of a body as possible. Ensuring I don’t exercise too much and that I eat enough healthy fats, carbohydrates, and micronutrients will always be a priority. Every food product I purchase WILL contain at least some fat content, preferably unsaturated and Omega-3 fatty acids (minus peanut butter). Health Warrior chia bars have been a HUGE help in sufficing my RDA for Omega-3’s, and I also love Nature’s Path blueberry cinnamon flax cereal. Do try those out if you haven’t already!
Overall, I find this journey to be really frustrating, and I’m scared of its consequences. It’s really unfair to see a lot of these girls around me exercise for hours and hours a day, eat less than I do, maintain such low weights, and yet menstruate regularly. Comparison doesn’t help, but it makes me think: What is WRONG with me?! Well, I guess I’ll have to wait and see what my gynecologist says, look a bit more into it, but remember to love myself along the way, even if it means upping a clothing size or experiencing my first pure pimple as a nuisance from birth control.