Tuesday Thoughts: The Guy I Can Never Be With

OOOOOOOOH LA LAAAAAAAAAAAA, BOY TALK! Ha ha ha, I’m totally joking on this one. This week I’m basically going to recall a somewhat depressing memory of a guy I met last year, yet the memory still brings a sad smile to my face whenever I recall it. It’s not because the memory was bad all in itself, but it’s because I learned a very hard truth that I still have trouble processing to this day. It’s just the harshness of our reality and my struggles to deal with it in a mature way. Sometimes emotion can get the best of us.

One day, my sister told me that it’s so easy to move on if nothing seems to click. They say, “There are plenty of fish in the sea”, after all. However, it is so much easier said than done; you underestimate the power of it until you actually experience heartbreak. First of all, I didn’t go through a breakup because I was never in a relationship to begin with. That being said, I felt absolutely hopeless after realizing that my relationship with this guy I really liked was not going to work out, because it wasn’t possible.

You’re probably thinking, is she going to talk about the most popular guy in school? The number one football player on the team who doesn’t know she exists? Her super hot post-graduate substitute teacher that’s engaged? Michael Fassbender? To answer your question, no–the guy I’m going to talk about is actually someone I met quite recently.

Xander (not his real name) and I first met this Thanksgiving at Cafe Gratitude. We met SUPER recently, right?! Anyways, we were both volunteers who came to serve and help run the restaurant, whether serving free meals, tending to the customers, cleaning dishes, organizing silverware, and more. The strangest thing is that Xander and I barely spent the day talking together. In fact, I spent the majority of my time either working or speaking to other people, generally people who worked around me, plus my new friend Christopher (name was also changed) who I met after I came back from getting my vegan chocolate cashew-based ice cream! However, we were the last two at the restaurant, hence we also got some alone time. After my friend Christopher left and we basically bid our farewells, Xander actually told me that he knew I was a beautiful girl but that I should wait to find the right guy. (Note that I don’t actually think this and this is what he just said LOL!) I was so confused at first, but I assumed he thought that Christopher was trying to hit on me or something. I told Xander that I wasn’t interested in Christopher and that I saw him as a friend, and Xander knew that and just said what he said only “because”. After I said goodbye to two other volunteers, Xander asked me how I knew everyone, and I responded saying that I really don’t know everyone that well, but I just greet them whenever I see them. At that moment he flipped his phone out with the keypad facing me so that I could punch in my number. Of course, feeling giddy and beyond excited inside, I did and he saved my number, asked me out to the possibility of a lunch date (which I said yes to, of course) and made his way out. I stopped him right on time to ask for his name, because being the ditz I am, I’m terrible with names! He showed me his name tag and we shook hands, right after he took my hand in his and kissed it before leaving to drive home. I was left with an unfathomable bliss that I can imagine I would only experience once or twice in the future of my entire lifetime.

A week later, we exchanged a couple of texts, but nothing happened. The chemistry was dead. My family told me that Xander should have been a bit more responsive and proactive if he were actually interested in me. I was able to find a social media picture of him along with his account, and I discovered that he seemed significantly older than me. He appeared to be a post-college graduate who was already establishing his career. No wonder he refrained from leading me on. He was already putting his life together and I wasn’t even a legal adult at the time.

I’m not mad at Xander. I can’t be. This is a problem that’s beyond our control, and we have to handle it in the most professional way possible. There are times when I just stamp my foot on the ground and curse that age is just a number. It is merely society’s imposition that age gaps matter, and nothing else. However, it’s true that a lot can happen in between the years of 18 and 21. One of them will graduate college, the other will start it, and college is a whole crazy-fest all in itself. One can drink, the other one can’t.

I am aware of relationships with people who do share a significant age gap and are literally living the happily-ever-afters you will only find in fairy tales. That being said, just because it works for one doesn’t mean it will work out for the other. As aware I am that I still have an entire lifetime worth of meeting new boys and experiencing relationships, Xander is someone I will never forget. It’s because he treated me differently from any other guy I’ve met. He made me feel beautiful and gave me the attention that I rarely ever receive from someone.


I guess the take-home for this is that as painful as it is, I have to learn to move on. It’s not just about being realistic. I know that I can’t live in the past forever, and it’s not healthy to do so. It’s like constantly hating the girl I was five years ago because she was bottled up inside and refused to talk to other people and take care of herself. I just didn’t know how to really love myself back then, and I will look back on this and know that I probably didn’t know how to be open to other opportunities when something doesn’t go right.

This will happen with basically everything: a new diet, a new job, a new school, a new relationship, a new life. We’re constantly finding ourselves and we never develop a concrete statement describing who we really are, and that’s okay. Who knows: what if the next morning I realize that I hate being healthy and I dive into a cheeseburger? What if I decide that being plant based after graduating college is a bad idea and that I should just live label-free forever? What if I choose to not blog ever again? Then again, these would be extremely hard for me to fathom!

I hope that this post wasn’t too boring or too sentimental for you to read. It is quite far-fetched from what I usually talk about, but it’s a really significant event in my life that I can apply to in the future, and that I hope you can either relate to or learn from.

Have you ever been in a situation where it was tough to move on?

One thought on “Tuesday Thoughts: The Guy I Can Never Be With

  1. This is a great post! I’m so bad about not wanting to move on from things, especially boy situations like this, where something concrete never happens, but something could have if not for x or y, you know?


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