Kale Breath?

Numerous times I’ve been called out for eating too healthy, but in particular one interesting reason was my breath! I’ve had relatives walk by, sniff, scrunch their face in repulsion and say either one of the following:

“Have you brushed your teeth?”

“Eew! You smell like vegetables!”

“Did you eat kale again?”

Once the comments became more frequent, I had to stick my nose in the air while biting my broccoli more and more, pretending it didn’t bother me. To be honest, these comments actually don’t do much damage to my esteem. I’m glad they acknowledge I’m a healthy eater and I don’t chomp on crap. I would much rather smell like a bed of spinach than a bowl of fries dumped in lard, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

In spite of my pride of being known as “kale queen” or “salad girl” in my social circle, I’m going to take action about my breath. Maybe brush my teeth after a meal or pop in mints, who knows? As much as I don’t care about smelling like vegetables, others do. And if it interferes with my ability to communicate with others, then it’s a real problem. What if I run into a college hottie at the gym with my kale breath? Wouldn’t he run away in a flash? Or if I’m at a family gathering and want to impress some relatives? They probably won’t like the fact I smell like I just came back from a veggie garden.

If my eating habits are the fault of a social dilemma I have to fix what I do. Otherwise, I’m not going to give in to others’ rude comments. The fact they put in time to observe what I’m eating and express their disgust shows they fail to understand or are just insecure. My diet is mine, their diet is theirs. It’s simple. If I ever have to shut others down, I will and I won’t be afraid to do so. Call me snarky and just as bad as them, but I am merely protecting my lifestyle.

To conclude my little rant, here’s to everyone who’s insulted me for my diet: don’t make the fact that I eat a lot of vegetables a bad thing because I can point out to you that minutes worth of brushing the lettuce out of my teeth is far quicker and more convenient than years of clean eating and exercising…just to get that pizza stuck off your ass. So proceed to enjoy that McBurger you call “good food”. Research later and find out it’s not made of anything edible, that’s for damn sure. Have a nice day!


P.S. Do you get a terrible case of halitosis after eating a clean meal? Or are you blessed with a minty fresh breath no matter what the case? Either way, still eat your vegetables. A couple minutes of chewing gum or brushing and flossing is worth the health benefits of plant-based food!

Do pineapples cancel the kale smell?
P.S. Do pineapples cancel the kale smell? People like the smell of fruit, right??

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